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Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari
I'm completely against watching TV due to the content shown, my wife also agrees with this principle Alhumdulillah but we fear how our attitude to TV could make our children rebel against us as it is considered the "norm" in society hence when my children do go to nursery, school, even the hospital, they will see the TV.
When we go to my parents house then there is also a TV and my son ends up watching the TV for hours on end. I have already spoken to my parents to not allow my children watch the TV but my wishes are not respected. Even to the extent that once my mother quickly switched off the TV because my mother realised that I was comming downstairs, this was witnessed by my wife. My parents have even made du'a against me saying that watch how your children treat you when they get old, they will make you cry only because I moved my wife out of the house as there was fitnah when we used to live together in my parents' house.
I have taken my son out of the TV room on many occasions but he ends up in the same room again. Me and my wife occasionally argue over this issue as she tells me not to take our children to my parents' house, she even occasionally demands for the TV to be in our house just so that my son doesn't become desperate for the TV, though Alhumdulillah this demand is quickly brushed aside with mutual understanding.
What do you advise? Should I stop taking my children to my parents' house, though I expect a hue and cry from my parents if this was to happen?
Please could you elaborate further than Du'a and discussion with parents.
Jazakallah khair
In the Name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful. Praise be to Allah. May the peace and blessings of Allah shower upon our beloved Messenger.
Dear Brother,
This is a sensitive topic, so yes, I will still advise you to make dua and discuss the matter with your parents. Some communication is better than none at all. Make your wishes very clear with your parents, but do it nicely.
I think there are some deeper, unresolved issues here. You mentioned that your parents prayed against you for moving your wife out of their house. It sounds like your parents are upset with you for other reasons. The TV issue may just be a byproduct of the deeper issues here.
Let's look at these issues in perspective:
1. Your parents deserve your deepest love, respect, and gratitude. Allah Most High says, " Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with thee, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word." [Al-Israa, 17:23]
2. Your parents also must understand that your wife is entitled to her own home. Don't feel guilty for moving your wife out. Sometimes joint living arrangements work out, and sometimes they don't. Even though you don't live with your parents, you can still continue to be a dutiful son by helping them out, bringing them gifts, and visiting them.
3. You and your wife also have the right to set ground rules. Your parents need to respect the fact that you have your own parenting style. If they're culturally oriented, this may be hard for them to grasp. Nevertheless, be firm about the television. Sit down and tell your parents that you are trying to raise good Muslim children the best way you know how. Point out to them that when children watch television on a daily basis over a mere few years, they may be exposed to thousands of sex acts, not to mention violence, profanity, and murder! Psychologists have studied the effects of television, movies, video games, and computer games on children, and they are not good! Many people are really naive of the dangers of television, viewing it as harmless entertainment.
Tell your parents that in Western culture the television is the number one tool for breaking down people's resistance to social ills like fornication, adultery, homosexuality, and lesbianism. We are literally opening our homes and children's precious minds to values that are completely antithetical to Islam when we sit our children in front of the television. I would also point out that children who watch television from an early age have been found to be more susceptible to learning disorders such as ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Furthermore, children who become addicted to television often lose their ability to engage in the imaginative play and reading activities that are so crucial to early childhood development.
4. If your parents just don't get it, or won't cooperate, then why not invite them to your house? That way, they can spend time with their grandchildren, while you can ensure that the television is kept off. If you still want to take your children to your parents' house, how about bringing them games and activities, which will hopefully distract them from the television. As a final resort, if the television must be on, then why not try to control the programming? There are some decent programs, on both video and DVD, that are educational, and made just for children. This is a better alternative to the sitcom, soap opera, or drama playing on the television.
Additionally, please visit this link on SunniPath:
I pray Allah Most High brings everyone together on a solution that is beneficial to all.
And Allah knows best.
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